I was watching the news the other night and there was a documentary on the ongoing killing of our rhinos. One particularly distressing image was of a rhino, still alive, bleeding to death, with its horns having being hacked off by some uncaring savages. I watched in horror, and as I watched, I had an epiphany.
Our esteemed president seems to spend a lot of time in China nowadays, most probably getting instructions on how to run a capitalist communist economy. Judging by the performance of the South African economy since he took the helm, he is clearly a poor scholar. The Chinese must be getting frustrated by his inability to absorb their teachings, and his inability to convert South Africa into a centralised and hegemonic society.
Maybe it is time that our president turns the tables on his hosts, and goes with a different agenda next time he goes to China. Forget the genuflecting, forget the cap in hand approach, and forget the slave master relationship. Go for the jugular, with a strong agenda. And who knows, if you succeed with this, your image, and your legacy, may improve dramatically at home. No longer will it be “Pay back the Money” but rather “The man who saved the Rhino”.
This will be the agenda:
Discussion Point # One: Stop Slaughtering our Rhino (repatriation and compensation)
The discussion will revolve around the repatriation of all rhino horn found in China, and the monetary compensation for the theft of our valued resource. Success in this demand will go a long way to setting the stage for more dramatic action
Discussion Point # Two: Stop Slaughtering our Rhino (invoking Confucius)
The Chinese have rediscovered Confucius, so the discussion should revolve around new Confucius sayings. “Man who take woman on mountain, not on level” should be joined with “Man who take Rhino horn, will be limp for rest of his life”
Discussion Point # Three: Stop Slaughtering our Rhino (using the state media)
We all know that the Chinese are only allowed to see what the state wants them to see, be it radio, TV, newspapers, and even the internet. The discussion should revolve around a state media campaign focusing on medical research that shows rhino horn is absolutely useless for the libido, and in actual fact it has a negative effect, and that prolonged use lead to the shrivelling of the vital parts
Discussion Point # Four: Stop Slaughtering our Rhino (education at school level)
Education and propaganda starts at an early age in China, so the discussion should revolve around the education of kids from as early as five years old about the negative effects of rhino horn, and the dire results from prolonged use
Discussion Point # Five: Stop Slaughtering our Rhino (elevate the rhino to panda level)
The panda is a revered animal in China, and like the rhino, it is also an endangered species. Once again, the discussion should revolve around the elevation of the rhino to panda level, using the vast state resources that China uses for its own agenda
Discussion Point # Six: Stop Slaughtering our Rhino (introduce the death penalty for the possession of rhino horn)
It is well known that the Chinese have a mortal hatred of the Dalai Lama, and if they got hold of him he would be put to death immediately. The discussion should revolve around legislation which puts possession of rhino horn being equivalent to the possession of Dalai Lama literature, and the immediate use of capital punishment for this offence
There you have it. At last the use of the presidential jet will be put to good use, and instead of the rhino facing extinction because of the savages who demand its horn, and the savages who supply the horn, the delightful possibility will be that the tables would be turned and all these savages will face extinction.
And I will personally nominate the president for the King Hintsa Bravery Award, and a lifetime supply of Viagra
If the agenda is followed properly, then within a few years the Chinese will fight to the death to protect this, ……………….. and this.